Sunday

I am marked with the stars!

Mary Boutilier Nova Scotia
90256826779025680069

Past- free falling

Always passed on my Birthday. So if anxiety, sadness or depression occurs on this day, this is why.

Always have an old male figure accompanying/protecting me. Connection to heart/cancer. This is my grandfather!
Also an older female (Naomi??) and a child (??)
I have 8 spirit visitors that assist me. One is a native male named Joseph. I have met him before and I know who he is.  This is true...Teslin.

I have much Native spirit/energy/gifts/healing.  Apache.


Feathers. Hawks. Crows. Beavers. Deer.
When a deer enters from the left, stops and looks at me, then exists to the right...I am on the right path.

Must work with the stones. Dont have them all out.  Dont use all. Cleanse them often.
Clear crystal quartz and amethesty.

Also Apache Tear Stone a volcanic black obsidian crystal that when held to the light is actually translucent.

2011 will be all about energy healing.  But I am still on the fence.  I am still stuck.
I must choose NOW! 

Jump. Let go. Release.

Eliminate DOUBT!!  Have more self confidence.  DO IT ALL NOW!!!!

Have a recent EX.  He is kicking himself for leaving.  His ways and idiosyncrasy will never change.  Romance is still possible, but he is very draining.  Wear black onyx around him to absorb the negativity and protect myself.  I am supposed to continue to heal him when he is ready.  I have been a healer in his life, a very bright light that has opened him up. This has revealed all of his secrets and darkness. A current dark revelation makes my brightness to much for him.  He is choosing to retreat back to darkness for the time being.  His mother likes him the way he is.  She does not want him to change. She actually fears me.  I am a threat to their established relationship.  I am the light shedder.

MURRY(????)

Everything I experience is related to the stars and family bloodlines.  These two things are my main influences with everything that happens to me.

My mother is going thru a difficult time.  Let her go what she is going thru.  She may need medication.  She will become more spiritual.  She will be OK and I will reconnect with her over and over.

2010 was ruled by men (that is for sure!)  2011 will be ruled by women!!!

I will have a conflict/battle with a specific woman.

Eliminate those I dont need in my life.  Negative people.  Draining people.  They are attracted to me.  Repel them and make room for all the people of light and healing who will be coming to you.

Lisa and I will do something together.  A project, team venture, business (something to do with healing).  Victoria is the sister who brought us together.  This is an important triad.

Meditate More.  Write More.

I will see orbs and auras again.  I used to see them when I was a child.
Must have my aura photographed and analyzed. (Casa Roma-Dartmouth)

I dont need kids.  Yet children are always present in the cards.  She also saw that a child will come to me.  I also will have many children that I look over when I next pass.

Must get a ligit astrology reading this year...my birthday.

$$$ OK in 2011.  Dont be embarrassed about past financial matters.  Let go.

A female business partner is a good thing.

Let go entirely of Father Figure!!  Do a meditation that involves writing what I dont want to carry related to father.  Then burn.

Ask the angles/protectors.  They are surrounding you and they wait for tasks.  Ask them direct requests.  They will do the work for you.  If you do not give them work they disappear.  Fully surrender and release to the angels.

This is a new beginning!  I must fall in love with myself fully.

Although a new love is in the cards!!  Very enchanted.  Sparks will fly.  Does not matter if person is in another relationship....nothing will stop the two of us uniting.

Nature. Nature. Nature.  Spend lots of time in.  Absorb it.  Be outdoors a lot.

Pay attention to music and lyrics.  Listen to the words.  If attracted to a song or is stuck in my head...these are direct messages/communications from angles.

I will be getting a new vehicle. 

Arch Angle Micheal card said "Keep your eyes on INTENTION"
I immediately expressed  my confusion about not knowing exactly what my intention was (art, school, career, buy house, etc.) she said "all the cards repeat over and over that you know the answers everytime...you just confuse them more then necessary...cause of doubt and lack of confidence."  She said "you know the answer really...just say it"  I said "to be happy is my main intention"  She immediately flipped over the next card after intention card and it was HAPPINESS!!!

DECIDE TO BE HAPPY NOW!!!  Ask for it everyday!   ASK!

My sugar is low.

Stop being a child.  Let go of childhood completely.  It is time to grow up.


Loretta Ryan. Ryan sisters.  Will put me back in balance.

Barb Etenger (Aurthur street Medical Center-Truro) Reiki

I am exactly where I should be (second time this was told to me by a famous healer).  I am an artist and it is not a choice.  EVERYTHING I do, including making things, is an art form.  MY LIFE IS THE ART!

Stay in Nova Scotia until my mother needs me.  Will stay for a while.  It is where I am supposed to be and I have much to do here.  I will return to Victoria eventually.  This will happen around my birthday.  Much healing in Victoria.

Saturday

Embrace this lady

Card #6
Future Influence...what is coming into being
High Priestess
WOW!
 Revelation, Occult, Secret, Subtle, Mysterious

She sits in front of a floral tapestry that hides a wide vista of open water. 
She holds a half-concealed scroll under her flowing robe; this scroll is the Torah and it represents knowledge via revelation. 
A crescent moon lies at her feet, representing waxing knowledge. 
Next to the High Priestess are two pillars of opposite color: a black pillar with the letter B, and a white pillar with the letter J. This refers to the pillars Boaz and Jachin that framed the original Temple of Solomon, considered to be the holiest of holy places in ancient Jerusalem.
The symbolism in this card suggests that there is more to life than meets the eye. 
The highest and holiest knowledge is hidden from plain sight. 
The other major point of this card is that all knowledge is gained through a progressive revelation, a period of learning.

In a tarot spread the High Priestess represents experiences in your life that make you feel like you are learning or gaining knowledge. 
However, the High Priestess can also represent a period of time where one feels confused.
 She is the Moon mother who inspires and empowers the seekers of truth, and acts as the conscience of the initiate. She is the keeper of esoteric knowledge, guardian of inner wisdom, counselor, muse and teacher.
 High Priestess represents human wisdom. 
She can be viewed as a kind of female Pope, the ancient Egyptian Priestess of Isis, the even older snake and bird Goddesses, the Greek Goddess Persephone, or the Eve of Genesis before the Fall.
For the accused heretics who were burnt at the stake for revering her in the 14th and 15th century, she symbolized the prophecy of the return of the Holy Spirit, which was perceived as the female aspect of the Holy Trinity. 



The High Priestess appears as soon as the Fool decides he wants to develop his innate powers, making a move toward becoming a Magus. The High Priestess is his first teacher, representing the Inner Life and the method for contacting it, as well as the contemplative study of Nature and the Holy Mysteries.


Continuing his journey, the Fool comes upon a beautiful and mysterious veiled lady enthroned between two pillars and illuminated by the moon.  She is the High Priestess and she astonishes the Fool by knowing everything about him. "Since you know me so well, perhaps you can help me," says the Fool, laying out his sword, chalice, staff and pentacle. "The Magician showed me these tools, but now I'm in a quandary. There's so many things I could do with them. I can't decide." In answer, the High Priestess hands over to him a pair of ancient scrolls. "These will teach you how to decide." Seating himself at her feet, the Fool reads by the light of her crescent moon. Finally, the Fool knows enough that he can now decide what he wants, where he will go, and what he will do. 









Though he suspects that the High Priestess has even more secrets she could teach him--like what lies behind the pomegranate curtain--he is focused and ready to be on his way. Thanking the High Priestess, he heads off. But as he leaves he hears her whisper, quiet as the waters which bubble up from beneath her throne, "We'll meet again...when you're ready to travel the most secret path of all."  




She is the mysterious unconscious. She provides the fertile ground in which creative events occur. The High Priestess is our unrealized potential waiting for an active principle to bring it to expression. 


The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know in order to make a decision about a problem or a job, an investment, love, career, family, etc.
And, finally, there is, behind her throne, the curtain that leads to the deepest, most esoteric and secret knowledge; the pomegranates that decorate it remind us of Persephone, who was taken down into the land of the dead, ate its fruit, and became the only goddess allowed to travel to and from that strange land. This indicates that when you get the High Priestess, you're going to be learning some very odd things. Very odd.
Thirteen's Observations
If there is a card that symbolizes the tarot reader it is the High Priestess. A woman (or man!) of psychic powers, intuition and secret knowledge. Where the Magician is about revealing, the High Priestess is about keeping things hidden behind the curtain. Things you know, but don't tell.
If the reader feels the High Priestess stands for the Querent, then this is a time of solitary investigation and the passing on of secret knowledge. The Querent might find themselves spending time in old libraries, reading through dusty documents and letters, or studying old religious texts. Things kept secret will be revealed to them. Likewise, these secrets might come to them psychically by way of visions or powerful instincts. Insights may be found in crystal balls, tea leaves, dreams or conversations with spirits.
Standing for someone other than the Querent, the High Priestess is usually read as a spiritual woman, a nun or astrologer, a teacher of archaic knowledge, or just a reclusive relative who knows many family secrets. She is a repository of obscure knowledge, a walking library with uncanny instincts and insights. She may, as well, come across as cold, unpredictable, even scary. 
As a card, the High Priestess is about knowledge.  Knowledge - insider knowledge from some old expert being the best. The more secrets the querent knows, the easier it is to know what to do with the idea. This is the job of the High Priestess, to offer secret knowledge, like the moon on a dark night, so that the querent can find their path. She sits between the pillars of dark and light, existance and negation, wax and wane. All secret knowledge is hers.




Astrological Correspondence: The Moon

Keywords: receptivity, passivity, potential, knowledge, secrets, something about to arrive

Description: The mysterious High Priestess jealously guards her secrets and occult wisdom. This card symbolizes the unconscious, a concern with our internal worlds, spiritual forces, and the understanding of higher truths through dreams and intuition. As a wise woman the High Priestess is the Goddess of fertility and is seen as a healer, possessing intuitive powers, and clairvoyance, trying to create harmony and inner balance. She emphasizes the necessity to get in contact with our inner self, to reflect and meditate, to trust our feelings, and to let dreams and intuition guide us. Observing rather than participating or acting the High Priestess can also represent platonic love, manipulation, a pause in a process that was progressing or even a standstill, causing doubt and confusion.
 "Only when you surrender... driven by your thirst... may you enter my inner sanctum. Only when you are ready to kneel before me and offer up all that you are... will you be my priestess. I called you before the dawn of time, my beloved daughter. You strayed for aeons, yet I willingly accept you back into my loving embrace and wipe away your tears."
Traditionally, the High Priestess is connected to our intuition and the Divinine Feminine. The astrological correspondence is the Moon, which connects the High Priestess card with the female menstrual cycle. Physiologically, the High Priestess is connected to the right brain and the female reproductive organs.
The herb associated with the High Priestess is Peony (Paeonia Albiflora), is commonly used in Chinese Medicine on its own or together with other female herbs to balance female hormones. Other possible benefits include improved memory, normalisation of the blood pressure and improved liver function. It's also used to treat varicose veins.
"The root of this common flower is used to regulate the blood. It relaxes the blood vessels, reduces platelet sticking, nourishes the blood, and promotes circulation to the skin and extremities. The root of both wild and cultivated peonies are used. The wild peony yields "red peony" (chihshao) a fibrous root that is especially used for stimulating blood circulation. The cultivated peony yields "white peony" (baishao) a dense root that nourishes the blood. Peony is often combined with tang-kuei, licorice, or other herbs mentioned here to enhance or control their effects. The dosage range is from 0.5-15 grams per day. Peony rarely causes any adverse reactions."
Spiritually, carrying a piece of peony root is said to help you stay relaxed and centred in your true self. It's especially helpful to women, as it enables us to accept the cycles and phases that we go through. Men can benefit from carrying a piece of peony root as well, as it helps them be in touch with their feminine side.

Meditating with a peony or a picture of the flower can help you connect with your inner priestess. A pink peony will help you stay heart-centred. White peony helps you focus on purity. Red peony will give you strength and courage.
When the High Priestess shows up in a spread, we are called upon to pay extra attention to synchronicities and repetitive patterns in our lives. We are also called upon to make sure that our decisions are based on the truth of our heart rather than our mind, or what we feel we 'should' do.
There is a sense of mystery about the High Priestess. She sits in the gateway between the five-sensory reality and a multisensory multiverse. Many fear what is beyond the veil because it's unknown. The reality is that it's not unknown... simply forgotten.
The Goddess and her Priestesses have returned to help us remember. The High Priestess helps us remember by nudging us to stay connected through daily meditation and contemplation. She asks us to exercise our intuition muscle in all decisions, big and small, that we make throughout the day.
Like any card, the High Priestess has a shadow. She can become ungrounded, manipulative and insincere. She can also be overly secretive due to mistrust. Physiologically, imbalanced High Priestess energies can be expressed as PMT, frigidity, infertility, bipolar disorders and in children, suppressed High Priestess energies can be expressed in the form of night terrors.
Women are known for having a powerful intuition, a strong sense of the undercurrent of emotions lying between the spoken and unspoken word. This card is full of the strong feminine energy of intuition. The High Priestess relies less on her connection to the physical world to make her judgements and complete tasks and more on her inner strengths and powerful insight.
The High Priestess suggests that you look at problems intuitively, from another angle. There are times when we want to address a problem that we know exists, but it doesn't seem to be a knowledge that was achieved rationally. Despite its seeming irrationality, this becomes valuable insight to act upon. Sometimes it is just this type of insight that makes people seem like mind readers and allows them to solve small problems before they become large ones. The High Priestess qualities help identify the hidden influences in your life.
 We are somehow open to pick up on people's thoughts and internal reactions in this manner along with our outward communications with them.
The negative aspect to the High Priestess is emotional instability and a dependency on external cues and over-calculated actions. There might be atendency to be secretive and guarded to keep an initiate from learning too much before they are ready.

Thursday

Diablo, old freind

Card #5

The Devil
Past events...most recent sphere of influence / events which have just passed or are passing.

Holy black magic!  Weird experiences! Shock! Violence! Ravage! Disaster! Downfall! Astral influence!

Has just happened....is still passing.
The Lord of the Gates of Matter; The Child of the Forces of Time
 Evil influences, depression or bad dreams are indicated by this card. Beware of the malice of others and the negative feelings in everyone’s heart. 
Rid yourself of unhealthy anxieties and learn from your adversities so that you may free yourself from their bonds.
 The Devil is the cosmic influences on man. 
The inverted pentagram on his forehead represents the opposite of light and good. 
The black background represents spiritual darkness. 
His right hand is raised in the black magic sign. 
The sign of Saturn is on his palm. Saturn is the planet of limitations and inertia. 
The bat wings represent obstinacy and the donkey ears represent stubbornness. 
   The staff of the Magician becomes the torch of destruction in the hand of the Devil.  
The cube he's sitting on is only half a cube, symbolizing only half the knowledge (showing only the visible sensory side of reality.) 
The number 15 in numerology equals 6, the Lovers, and here the lovers are shown chained, in bondage to the material, sensual side of their nature. 
The man's tail (a symbol of the base "animal" nature) is tipped in the flames we saw in the Lovers card. 
The woman's tail has the same fruit from the tree we saw in that card, also. 
This is a sign that they are misusing their gifts. 
The chains around their necks are loose, proving that the bondage is of their own making. They can loose themselves at will, but they choose not to.

If the Devil shows up, look carefully at your life and see what is limiting you right now. Is there an addiction that needs to be addressed? What substances, behaviours or people are holding you back?

The card of the Devil portrays a Satyr, a creature which is half man and half goat.  
The man and a woman hands and feet are free to dance, but they are held by their chains of fear and fascination for the music. 
Around them loom the dark walls of a cave. The goat in myth was associated with lechery and dirtiness, and was considered an unclean and lustful animal. 
The goat symbolizes the scapegoat, the person or thing upon whom people project the inferior side of themselves in order to feel cleaner and more righteous. 
Thus Pan, the Devil, is the scapegoat within which we blame for our troubles in life. 

 The dark and doorless cave implies that Pan dwells in the most inaccessible realm of the unconscious. 
Only crisis can break through the wall into his secret chamber. 

The dancing figures are free, if they so wish, to remove their chains, for their hands are not bound. Bondage to the Devil is ultimately a voluntary matter which consciousness can release.

The card of the Devil represents those hidden forces of negativity that constrain us and deceive us into thinking we are imprisoned by external forces. 
The Devil is an inner force within each of us, he is an embodiment of our fears, addictions, and other harmful impulses. 

The people chained at his feet are entranced with the paralysing fear of his illusory power and therefore stand still with hopelessness and a numb appearance. However, the chains hang loosely around their necks, an indication that freedom is within their grasp if they can only break free of the hypnotic attachment to the temptations offered by the Devil.

Although he represents the irrational forces of the unconscious, he introduces us to the final stage of the trumps, the stage that represents the Soul of Reason. His captives, who remain unconscious, represent the first and second stages. They are chained to him only in that they are asleep and unaware of his influence. 
 When we encounter the Devil in a reading, we must ask ourselves where we are "stuck" in life. We often fall prey to despair and the thought that we are controlled by external forces but we forge our own chains of imprisonment and powerlessness. What are the addictions or attachments restraining you from experiencing the freedom of the Fool? Are you giving yourself over to the illusion of helplessness and despair? You have the power within to set yourself free from the bondage of the Devil. What can you do to free yourself from his deception?
Need to lighten up. Not taking oneself so seriously. Need to break up old patterns. Let go of cares and worries and play more. Spilling out of oneself inappropriately. Hanging onto things that have little truth or reality. Affirmation: "Laughter resolves all things. I empower the joy within me."
Devil upright is raw, primal energy. 
This suggests that if this person is being truthful about their situation, they've been riding a wave of energy which has been quite impressive. 
The caution here is that they not become a "slave" to that energy and bound to it. 
If they come to love the feeling of power that this energy has engendered they are in peril of becoming bound to it. 
Eventually that energy will wane, just as all cycles in life do. If they are bound to it they will experience loss and possibly anxiety or depression over this loss. 
 However, if they control and channel that energy to prepare for the times when the energy is in ebb, they will be much happier in the long run. A card which would strengthen that message would be Strength, meaning that they should channel and control the energy they've been feeling rather than just letting it run wild through their life.
 Drive: The freedom of spirit, independence of mind, anarchy of science  
Light: Independence, wilfulness, never accepting dogma, never bowing the head - 'Non servam': I don't serve! Shadow:Darkness, loneliness, being misunderstood and an outcast

 This card tends to suggest that you are placing restrictions upon yourself, but either you don't realise it, or you believe that there is nothing that can be done about it.
You are being driven by your baser instincts and you may even feel that you cannot escape the situation you find yourself in. 
However if this is not the case, your free will is not lost and you need to take responsibility for yourself and your actions.



Wednesday

Cabin Christmas

Nothing like taking off Christmas morning
A country drive, empty road, deeper and deeper into the woods
With the dogs. With the lovely Lucile. With good food and fine liquor and sweet weed.
No phones. No internet.
Wood heat.
Haul water.

Was smooth sailing for 4 days.

Except for canoe trip #2
It got a little dangerous at one point...high winds and currents...and smoking herb didnt help
 But when we made it back to home shore we felt fucking powerful. 
Then had to haul dirt and spread it on the ice road for an hour so we could drive back to civilization.
 Very alive times!
breaking ice breaking bread breaking bad breaking up breaking open breaking light

Friday

Black square

These nights not sleeping bring me to my knees no dreams no touch no restful knowing
black square enters to block immense pain between here and wherever whatever you might be
black square cuts time into manageable bites 1am 2 am 4 am 5 
so so long endless if black square stretched into an infinite band
black square contains time in a 4 by 4 square equation that maybe i can manage sanely
black square can hold the overwhelming expanse of universe 
neatly tied with black ribbon and black bow 
invisible dimensions of darkness
black square blocks me from seeking you out
black square negates sadness
These sleepless nights herald black square to calm the torturous silence
no voice
no breath
nothing but black square